Back Off. Period.

Back Off. Period.

When you wake up at 7 in the morning, hit the floor, and double over in pain as the cramps squeeze you in half,  you know it’s going to be a bad day!

Well, that’s what happened to me last Sunday.  I limped to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of ibuprofen and downed a couple of life saving, marriage saving, family saving pills.

Ok, everything was looking up.  It was a beautiful, quiet morning. The birds were singing, the windows were open, and I was making a nice breakfast–for myself.  Everyone else could scrounge, right? I sat down to a steaming hot cup of tea and 3 glorious gluten-free chocolate chip blueberry pancakes.  I was just taking my first bite of melt-in-your-mouth goodness when it happened…


Ugh!  Why can’t people just sleep for 24 hours the first day of my period??  Couldn’t the whole world just fall into a nice, comfy coma for just a few measly hours!!??  

Suddenly SpongeBob was blaring, teenage girls were banging around in the laundry room trying to find clothes for church, and my annoyingly chipper husband came bounding into the kitchen ready to cuddle everyone in sight.  One look at my face and he made a reverse turn.

Needless to say, by 10 AM I had barked at everyone in the house, banged around the kitchen, and generally scared everyone to their rooms or outside.  I was sitting at the table making a list when I spied my sweet husband sneaking stealthily out the garage door with bible and notebook in hand.

“Where are YOU going?” I demanded as he stopped like a kid caught in the cookie jar.

“Well, you seemed like you really didn’t want to go to church today, so I thought I’d just head over to the trails and read my bible there.”

“Then WHO’S going to take the kids to church? You’re going to leave ME here by myself and make ME take everyone?”

“Really, Elaine, I don’t think the little boys care if we stay home for one day.”

“No, but the GIRLS care, and they are already getting ready!” I said as my face turned red and steam started coming out my ears.

“I tell you what, why don’t I take the kids to church and you go take a relaxing nap.”

“I don’t NEED a nap…well, maybe I’ll just lay down for 30 minutes, and then we’ll leave for church.” I said as I stomped off to my room.

I turned on the fan, laid my head on the pillow, pulled over the covers and ZZZZZZZZZ…..


I opened one eye to my smiling husband sitting on the side of the bed.

“Hey baby, church was great!”

And so was this nap! Wow! I felt great. I felt like a new woman!  My wonderful husband had taken care of everything, and I had had a wonderful sleep.

I bounded out of bed, headed for the kitchen, and started tackling the dishes.  

“What’s on your agenda today?” my husband asked.

“I have to take Gen to camp this afternoon.”

“Why isn’t she going on the church bus?”

“She’s going by herself to this camp…blah blah blah…” I tried to explain the whole thing in about 3 sentences.

“You mean you’re going to have to spend all the time and gas driving her to camp? Did you factor that in when you signed her up?”

“Of COURSE I DID! I mean, NO, I DIDN”T!  I DON”T REMEMBER! But I’ve already signed her up and WE ARE GOING!  You’re such a JERK! DON’T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!” I stormed toward my purse and keys. “GEN!  Are you ready?? LET”S GO!” I ran out to the car in tears. My husband looked at me in bewilderment.  

We left.  I cried. I forgot about it.  3 hours in the car and I came back a new woman…for about 30 minutes.  My poor husband endured some more emotional whiplash until I finally put everyone out of their misery by going to bed.  

The next morning my normal, peaceful self had returned.  Good thing, because my husband came back for lunch completely out of his mind from having to deal with a terrible situation at work.  I had to talk him off the ledge, so to speak.

I often think, thank goodness we don’t usually have a bad day at the same time, or I think it might set off Armageddon!